Ask me how I know.
I rarely have to swallow my pride. I liked to think of myself as being far more self-aware than the rest of those pride-swallowers out there.
Then the economy disappeared, and then I started a very long search for a job, and then I realized my best opportunity would be to go back to work for the company I unceremoniously left a year ago.
And now I have to swallow my pride and let me tell you, it tastes like a big ol’ shit sandwich.
When I left that company, I gave the usual notice and didn’t burn any bridges. I didn’t leave for greener pastures and I told them that. I’ve been self-employed since I left, but the term is somewhat of a misnomer if you were to look at my tax return. I kept in touch with several good friends, one of whom is going to be my new boss. So, you’d think it wouldn’t be that difficult to go back.
Wrongo.
It feels humiliating. It feels like people expected me to go do some really Big Thing when I left and by coming back they will all see that I Am A Failure. Oh wait - that’s not what PEOPLE expected - that’s what I expected.
I didn’t do some really Big Thing. I did a lot of Small Things and went from being unbelievably stressed out to content. It’s been one of the best years of my entire life, in large part because I didn’t have a job.
Now that I have to go back to exactly where I was a year ago, a landslide of very sharp and heavy rocks has just buried my soul. The part where I feel lucky to find employment right now is missing. I know I need to find it, and find it quick. If you’ve seen it, leave me a note.
Five Things I’m Buying When I Get A Job
March 18th, 2009 Posted in Life in general | 2 Comments »
I’ve been living frugally for a while now. After I left the corporate life, I knew I’d cut back on spending. It wasn’t very hard, since I was no longer surrounded by the beautiful people that had more influence on me than they should have. As time went on and it began to look like I’d need to go back to the corporate life, I cut back even more. Of course it would be easier to find a cure for cellulite than to find a job right now (and it would pay better).
I’ve never been a huge spender, but there are some things I really miss.
5. Towels. I only have one matching set and they are getting raggy. Of course they still work, so I can’t really justify going out and getting new ones just to make the bathroom look pretty. But I’d really like to retire the ones we’re using to the dogs and get some that are big, soft, and have all their threads where they were meant to be.
4. Underthings. See Towels.
3. A professional haircut. Yes, I’ve been cutting my own hair. It’s a mess but you can’t really tell unless you happen to be in the business. I pity the person who gets to clean it up.
2. A car wash. I used to buy a car wash a few times a month when I’d fill up with gas. I haven’t done that in at least a year now. When it rains, I try to get the car outside to wash off the grime. Unfortunately, it hasn’t rained in Denver for a loooong time now.
1. Shoes. Just a few pairs. I haven’t bought shoes in almost two years. I’m talking about dress shoes - I have one pair each of black, brown and blue. I’d love a red pair. With a pointy toe. Kitten heel. Size 9. Wide.
I Lost the Head of Christ
February 11th, 2009 Posted in Life in general | 3 Comments »
Since I have a fair amount of free time on my hands, it seemed obvious that when my grandpa needed help moving, I’d be an excellent candidate. He’s leaving the actual heavy lifting to the professionals, but the packing - that’s all me
My grandma passed away 10 years ago, and my grandpa has been doing a good job of living independently since then. For a guy who was born in 1922, he’s still pretty sharp and he’s darn funny.
I’ve been packing the strangest things. I think there’s something about having lived through the Great Depression that has left a generation of people who save everthing just in case it might come in handy in 2011. I’m not allowed to throw these things away. On Monday he wrestled a piece of cardboard away from me as I was headed for the trashbag. "Wait! I can use that!" Needless to say, I acquiesed immediately. Few things are less fun than wresling with an 86-year-old man.
As I was trying to organize and pack yet another "miscellaneous drawer", I found an empty paper-towel tube. Bearing in mind the cardboard experience, I looked it over carefully. On the outside was written, "Head of Christ".
Yes, imagine my surprise.
Unfortunately, the tube was empty. I went through the rest of the drawer looking for His Head. Nothing! Knowing I couldn’t just throw it away, I had to say these dreaded seven words:
"Grandpa, I’ve lost the Head of Christ."
Did I mention he’s a bit hard of hearing?
"WHAT????" he asked. Now, I can’t tell if this is shock at what I’ve said, or just that he didn’t hear it.
"Grandpa, I’ve lost THE HEAD OF CHRIST!" I yelled. This time I showed him the empty tube, looking through the vast interior that did not contain His, or any, head.
"The WHAT???" he asked, again. Then the lightbulb came on, almost as blinding as if His Head had actually appeared.
"OH! That was for the prints of my drawing," he said, pointing towards the portrait of Jesus that he made several decades ago. My grandpa is a very talented artist, and had just drawn Jesus from the neck up. Several family members wanted a copy, so he had stored extra prints rolled up inside this tube. Of course.
We’re saving the tube for 2011, but the fact that it’s marked Head of Christ may limit its potential.
