Annie Binns | Life in the Fun Lane

Ask me how I know.

I rarely have to swallow my pride. I liked to think of myself as being far more self-aware than the rest of those pride-swallowers out there.

Then the economy disappeared, and then I started a very long search for a job, and then I realized my best opportunity would be to go back to work for the company I unceremoniously left a year ago.

And now I have to swallow my pride and let me tell you, it tastes like a big ol’ shit sandwich.

When I left that company, I gave the usual notice and didn’t burn any bridges. I didn’t leave for greener pastures and I told them that. I’ve been self-employed since I left, but the term is somewhat of a misnomer if you were to look at my tax return. I kept in touch with several good friends, one of whom is going to be my new boss. So, you’d think it wouldn’t be that difficult to go back.

Wrongo.

It feels humiliating. It feels like people expected me to go do some really Big Thing when I left and by coming back they will all see that I Am A Failure. Oh wait – that’s not what PEOPLE expected – that’s what I expected.

I didn’t do some really Big Thing. I did a lot of Small Things and went from being unbelievably stressed out to content. It’s been one of the best years of my entire life, in large part because I didn’t have a job.

Now that I have to go back to exactly where I was a year ago, a landslide of very sharp and heavy rocks has just buried my soul. The part where I feel lucky to find employment right now is missing. I know I need to find it, and find it quick. If you’ve seen it, leave me a note.

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